Self-Compassion: Learning To Love Yourself

Love Thy Self! 💖

Yes, you heard me! For those of us who are not narcissists, the idea of putting ourselves first or even thinking about putting ourselves first can feel really difficult.

I’ve lived my whole life comparing myself to the unrealistic expectations of others and finding my worth in doing instead of being. In a recent call with a friend, we shared how the trap of doing can be so vicious to our self-worth.

It’s like, look at me, I’m helping the world with a smile on my face, but I’m secretly dying. But those thank yous and praises can fall short even though they feel so good, right?

We can devalue ourselves so much that we forget to slow down for one minute and think, is this what I truly want? When was the last time you asked the question, “Am I helping everyone else and neglecting my soul?”

If I find my worth in doing instead of being, I lose focus of my “why” and who I truly am.

Those negative affirmations or self-talk can be so detrimental to our hearts. So what are you saying to yourself when no one is watching or listening? Our self-worth and ability to show self-love to ourselves are so interconnected.

But what does it mean to love yourself? I believe it's this process of “tuning in” to yourself (more on this in later issues) and seeing that you have value outside of your ability to do anything. Your very existence is ENOUGH. Wow, that’s super powerful!

Why then is it so hard to embrace our “enoughness” and simply love ourselves? This is where self-compassion comes into play.

There are so many women out there who feel less than perfect. They were raised to take care of everyone else except themselves. Me included.

But how do we break that? How do we go against our family programming? Now, there is good and bad family programming. Think of hygiene, how many times were you reminded by a caregiver to brush your teeth as a child? A lot! Even now, you probably ask yourself before you leave the house did I brush my teeth? That’s good programming!

I’m talking about the bad family programming that elevates their boys over their girls or expecting children to do things that aren’t age-appropriate. For me, I grew up in a Hispanic culture which ingrained behaviors that weren’t always in my best interest.

Mostly, sacrificing but not just regular sacrificing it’s you give all you have to help others even if it’s not in your best interest. There have been times in my life when dying on the cross like a martyr became a way of life. But do I have to die every time? Does it always have to be me, God? (Me looking around waiting for someone else to raise their hand and mysteriously seeing my hand go up.)

I learned to deny myself lots of things, well cause I’m sacrificing, duh. So where does this come into self-love? Well, when, you don’t have it. You don’t set good boundaries for yourself. You're running around doing, not listening to yourself, and not “tuning in” to your own heart, body, and spiritual needs.

And this is what needs to stop!

Although the idea of self-love sounds kind of icky, it’s not. Let’s circle back to self-compassion. Can we do that? Self-compassion allows you to see yourself in your flaws and vulnerabilities and says it’s okay if you're not feeling like it today.

Let’s try it. Look in the bathroom mirror, you know the one you just brushed your teeth in, and ask yourself. What do I need today? And if anything pops up that feels kind of icky... Go a little deeper.

Is it that you are tired and feel worn out? It’s ok you have you today or you can ask a friend or family member to have you. But that’s all it takes to start a journey towards self-love while using self-compassion that’s not creepy or only reserved for narcissists.

You deserve it! 🫶🏼

Learning to Be Checklist

🗸 Phone calls from friends can be insightful.

🗸 Self-worth and Self-love are interconnected.

🗸 There can be good and bad family programing.

🗸 Take the time to slow down and have Self-Compassion.

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